Wednesday, February 25, 1998

A word of wisdom for Mr. Jones

By The North Star Cowboy Appreciation and Bonding Society
(Greg and Curtis Hill & The Swinneys / University of Alaska)

We, the members of the North Star Cowboy Appreciation and Bonding Society (NOSCABS), are in agreement with the sage Sophocles when he said that "wisdom outweighs any wealth."

Mr. Jones is rich enough, so we decided to contribute our wisdom, in which we are rolling, rather than our gold, figuring that could be of use to him. Besides, the last time we held a fund-raiser (to assist the club owner in meeting the reasonable requirements of the deserving Emmit Smith) our cash, paperclip, partly broken but usable pocket knife, and all the postage and trading stamps along with a curt note describing his fortune and business acumen was not acknowledged.

Obviously, it can sometimes be a trying, albeit ultimately rewarding, duty to take an active interest and otherwise publicly endorse the Dallas Cowboys.

Hear now while we recite the personal attributes and antecedents of the august NOSCABS membership.

Our roots lie as deep and tight as the oldest mesquite, but we reside in a place where people from all parts of the nation have gathered. Very many of these creatures, in fact a surprisingly large majority, nourish an angry and energetic antagonism for every Cowboy attribute. Collectively speaking they are, as Mr. Churchill put it, a "repository and embodiment of many forms of soul-destroying hatred, this monstrous product of former wrongs and shames."

But what can you do?

To a man, the NOSCABS watched at our fathers' knees as the first black and white Cowboy games were telecast into our East West Texas (Greater Anson and Lesser Abilene) living rooms so very many autumn afternoons ago.

Moreover, we strode the bricky gridirons of that forbidding clime and know in the fullest possible sense what the words "two-a-days" really and truly mean. There we were taught that great deeds are possible if the minds and hearts of a group act as one, that you can always exceed perceived limits of human endurance, and that humility is one of the finer qualities of manhood.

These lessons are, we believe, still worthy of our respect and avowal.

That brings us to the point of this discourse, our contribution of a small nugget of wisdom that is offered to all the Mr. Joneses, much like a small leaf being tossed onto the mighty Yukon River in hopes it meeting the gaze of a downriver friend.

It is this: make a priority of keeping Dale Hellstrae suited in blue and silver in Irving on 1998's Sundays.

Consider this: no other Dallas Cowboy has ever reached the level of perfection Mr. Hellstrae has shown as deep snapper. He should be encouraged to continue being the most accurate, durable, courageous and unflappable deep center we can recall. He should be allowed to continue being a steady constant as kickers and holders come and go with near tidal regularity and frequency .

Moreover, his erudition is such that it lifts the level of discourse for the entire team, and that should be worth something to the image-conscious and vocabularly challenged.

But as St. Jerome liked to say, "It is idle to play the lyre for an ass."

Signed -- Greg Hill, Curtis Hill, Dan Swinney, Keith Swinney, Steve Swinney