Saturday, January 31, 1998

Finding jobs for friends of the president

By Dale McFeatters

Vernon Jordan is of that magnitude of Washington super-lawyer known as a "rainmaker" for his ability to make things happen in the capital.

Therefore, it was something of a surprise that the presidential best friend would busy himself seeking employment and legal counsel for a young former White House intern.

Jordan says he often finds work for "young and old, male and female, black and white, Hispanic and Asian, rich and poor, Cabinet members and secretaries," and, in truth, he probably does. A well-placed network of the grateful and beholden is how associates grow up to be rainmakers.

Surreptitious tape

Jordan also finds work for other, less employable White House discards as this surreptitious tape shows:

"Yo, Vern!"

"Jane, please call security and have this bum escorted out of the building."

"Hey, I’m from the White House. I need a job."

"Jane, hold my calls for the rest of the day. I’ll be in conference with ...?"

"Lennie."

"And your last name?"

"Lennie Forget-about-it. I don’t exactly hang around post offices, if you catch my drift."

"That’s quite a resume you have. We don’t often see resumes handwritten on a paper bag. Interesting qualifications, too. Tell me a little more about being Janet Reno’s love slave."

"That’s just to fool the press. They’re crazy about that stuff. A little sex and they wouldn’t care if you stole the Washington Monument. What I did was work on the FBI files in the White House basement for a while, and then I looked after this box of records for Mrs. Clinton for a couple of years and then I became a campaign fund-raiser."

"You? A fund-raiser?"

‘It adds up’

"Yeah, I did the follow-ups. Sometimes these Asians would get pretty heavy into the coffee and donuts, and the White House ain’t cheap, you know. At $5,000 to $10,000 a pop it adds up. Sometimes these guys are slow in paying up, so I pay them a visit. I say, ‘Nice knees. Too bad you only have two of them.’ "

"So you were a leg-breaker for the president. And what kind of work are you looking for now?"

"Public relations."

"Well, we’ve found jobs for people with even less qualifications than you."

"I’m sorry, Vern, could you speak a little more clearly into my lapel? Vern! It’s a joke, a little White House humor. Come down off of those shelves before you hurt yourself."

"Are you sure the president sent you?"

"Sure. He said maybe you could get me a job at Revlon recruiting fashion models and that he’d be willing to help me out from time to time."

"Sounds like my president all right, but I’m afraid Revlon is out of the question for the moment. Say, do you have any experience with casino gambling?"

"I have some background in the unregulated gaming industry. Until my conviction, I was known as Lennie the Long Shot."

"Jane, call the Interior Department and get Secretary Babbitt on the phone. Bruce, I may have the solution to your Indian casino problems sitting right here in my office, but he needs ... You got it. Something at the assistant secretary level would do just fine. I’ll walk him right over.

"Lennie, you have a job. But just one thing: Put your beer down before you meet the secretary."

Scripps Howard News Service