Sunday, February 22, 1998

Don't be deluded: Depression does call for help

By Donna McCartney

If you haven't been diagnosed with or have never experienced the effects of depression, thank the good Lord up above.

Those who have experienced it offer their own way of describing the bouts.

And those who talk to others who also experience depression have an immediate bond -- the camaraderie that says, "It takes one to know one."

Depression is a feeling, an emotion, a physical symptom, a held-down feeling, a low perception of life in general, a vision of the world as lost, an outward blue feeling turned inward, a hurt that never seems to go away, tears, tears and more tears, no hope, no way out, isolation, loneliness, worthlessness -- and the list goes on and on.

When a trip on the depression line begins, the destination may be the past or the future, with all the above attachments riding along as passengers.

A big sack lunch is packed and taken, because the trip will take a while to rumble through the sorrows of the past and the "what ifs" of the future. "Today" is not a priority with depression; it seems too mundane and dull. The feelings that boil up with yesterday and tomorrow seem to help pass time, instead of simply taking the day as it comes.

There is either too little time or too much time, never a negotiation of gratitude.

Depression likes to feel; no feeling is boring. If there is no feeling, it stirs or creates something to cause feeling, no matter what the cost. Depression can feel loneliness, even in a crowded room. Loved ones and friends watch helplessly, not able to do anything to help. Depression comes from within, just as healing does. Depression cannot be entertained, cannot be fed; it must be starved out.

Even when the elevator sign boldly says "Out of order," depression convinces the carrier to enter. It descends to a basement level, where there is no exit. It remains stuck indefinitely. Depression loves distractions and frequently uses avoidances. After all, it does not want to miss the bad times, the hard times, the sad times.

Depression is an enemy when it is unknown to the carrier. It disguises itself as sensitive, deep and sympathetic. It portrays the ruse that things are all right, things are normal, this is just the way it is. It's as though nothing ends, it just changes into something new and begins again with the out-of-control feelings. One bridge is crossed, there is a longer one; one mountain is climbed, there is one higher; one canyon is fallen into, another is discovered.

The light at the end of the tunnel finally enlightens that depression can also be a friend -- not a partner or intimate friend, but an acquaintance type friend. One that is respected for its power; one that is held within the confines of control; one with whom the trip cannot be travelled under any circumstances. That is somewhere one does not want to go.

Depression says one doesn't need help; that one is ill if one searches for help. That is absolutely, positively wrong.

Donna McCartney of Abilene is a licensed master of social work, a medical social worker and a part-time college sociology instructor.