Sunday, July 19, 1998

An 'outsider' discovers fulfillment in Abilene

By Angela Oltmanns

Anyone familiar with human resource management would be familiar with the Abilene Paradox. It's a great example of how people get moved to do something they really don't want to do -- "shoulding."

Abilene was my paradox. It was a place I knew I should come to but didn't want to.

Leaving my home country of Singapore to move to Abilene was not the easiest choice to make. But living here the last three years has taught me much, much more than any city living or big fanciful corporate job could have done for me.

It helped alter my being and gave me space to pursue what I am passionate about in life.

Abilene opened the chapter of living boldly for me, for my husband, for ourselves.

Here's another twist on the Abilene paradox.

1. To be and not to do -- In the quiet environment of Abilene, I learned that at the end of the day, it is not what I do but who I really am, what I want to be, that matters most to me.

2. I can live a limitless life -- It is here in this town I became aware I don't have to enslave myself to the corporate world, selling my soul and energy to a cause that at the end of the day might leave me low and dry. In Abilene, I discovered the limitless life when I went to work for myself.

3. Care for your neighbor -- Abilene taught me the spirit of civic-mindedness. Never before have I seen private citizens take such an active interest in caring for their neighbors and working to provide a helping hand to the less fortunate.

4. It's the Sabbath, enjoy the rest -- Before Abilene, I thought nothing about working 60-70 hours a week. After being here, I saw the value of resting on the weekends. Families are happier, the spirit is lighter, and people appear more creative. Rest, I realized, is actually a very good thing.

5. It's me that needs the changing -- People are going to stay just the way they are. There is no need to waste silly energy on coulds, shoulds, ought-tos. If it's meant to be, it's up to me. The world doesn't need a tune up. If I think it does, it's me that needs to change first.

6. Be proactive in knowing others -- Opportunities lie everywhere. It is not the place that limits you. I decided to become very proactive in getting to know people. As a result, my life became richer for that through my intentional desire to know them.

7. Give people a place to be heard -- I have learned the greatest gift you can ever give someone is to give them a place to be heard. People don't care how much you know until you show how much you care. What do they really want in life? What are they passionate about? What things occupy their minds? People are eager to share if you are willing to hear.

8. No one succeeds alone -- My mastermind groups, my Emmaus reunion group, my Toastmaster Club and my many business networking groups have taught me that no one succeeds alone. What a blessing it is to find friends like Homer, Bob, Sue and many others who are interested in helping me succeed. Whether it is success in work or family or prosperity or spiritual aspects, we all need each other to bring out the best in one another.

9. The world is my oyster -- Abilene is truly my launching pad for designing the life I want. My husband, Ron, and I coach out-of-state clients via the phone. We travel to many places for meetings and seminar training. We meet our local clients face to face. It is here that I discover what it means to be truly free to do what I want.

10. The greatest gift of all, knowing myself newly -- Perhaps the greatest gift of all is taking the time to reflect, to learn and to discover. I learned to know myself newly, to be kind to myself and to stretch myself to greater heights.

Ah, Abilene -- a town whose interesting paradox gave me much zest to live and a song to sing for the rest of the journey.

Angela Oltmanns of Abilene is a business coach and research specialist. She is a Chinese from Singapore, married to an American. She can be reached at angelaoltmanns@usa.net