Sunday, June 28, 1998

It's not just the heat, it's also the stupidity

By Danny Reagan

I'm sick of the wind.

I'm sick of the heat.

I'm sick of the windy heat.

I'm sick of the haze from the fires in the rain forests.

I'm sick of those people who think by spending a bunch of promotional money in the United States on late-night cable they can prevent peasants from burning down those rain forests.

I'm sick of those people who blame the peasants for everything.

I'm sick of the lack of rain.

I'm sick of the red mud when it rains.

I'm sick of fire ants ... especially the one that yells "now" after they've all snuck up your leg without stinging you.

I'm sick of the national media for making "celebrities" out of any nut on a slow day.

I'm sick of national gonzo journalists who cater to those louts seeking their 15 minutes of fame because they want to be famous themselves.

I'm sick of national movie critics who evidently feel everyone should think like themselves because they're so darn smart ... but they're not smart enough to write a movie review without giving away the ending.

I'm sick of everyone who thinks "famous" and "infamous" mean the same thing.

I'm sick of talking heads on television.

I'm sick of talking heads talking about talking heads on television.

I'm sick of people who profess to believe in the words "Judge not, lest ye be judged," and then proceed to judge people all over the place.

I'm sick of myself for doing the same thing as we speak.

I'm sick of power-hungry Kenneth Starr and his big-spending ways.

I'm sick of Big Mac-hungry President Clinton and his big-spending libido ... real or imagined.

I'm sick of Whitewater-gate.

I'm sick of anything-gate.

I'm sick of Bill Gates.

I'm sick because the gate on my new fence is already sprung.

I'm sick of people who sweat the petty things.

I'm sick of people who pet sweaty things.

I'm sick of junk e-mail telling me how I can avoid junk e-mail for only $39.

I'm sick of junk food, but not sick enough.

I'm sick of not having a fast food order right at the drive-in window since before the cows came home.

I'm sick when those cows' patties "come home" when the wind changes.

Did I mention I was sick of the wind?

There, I feel a lot better.

Thank you.

Danny Reagan is director of new media and technology for the Abilene Reporter-News. His e-mail address is reagand@abinews.com