Saturday, October 31, 1998

Plucking body politic from the mailbag

By Joseph Spear

What's bugging the body politic? The mailbag knows.

DEAR JOE: When you wrote that bulging prisons are evidence that government is safeguarding the population, you revealed a total lack of understanding of the proper function of government. Bulging prisons tell us that government is failing. When we fail to provide support services for families and youth, our prisons start booming. When we cut funds for recreation, for education and for psychological services, prisons thrive. When our public schools fail to teach principles of nonviolent conflict resolution, prisons swell. When we eliminate arts programs from the schools, we create a thriving prison system. -- B. and M.L., Palo Alto, Calif.

JOE: Holy cow -- there really are some liberals left in America! I was convinced the species was extinct. Are you back from purgatory for good, B. and M.? Or are you just coming up for air?

DEAR JOE: You still don't get it, do you? If Clinton is the kind of person you want setting an example for our children, then perhaps what Ross Perot said about Clinton -- "the president is mentally and emotionally unstable" -- applies to you. -- C.G., Las Vegas

JOE: Oh, yeah? I just got a message on the radio they put in my fillings, and it said Ross is missing a few buttons himself.

DEAR JOE: I realize that you are a big Rush Limbaugh fan, but cannot let the secret out. I understand that you get all of your material from Rush, and then just turn it 180 degrees. -- E.H., Amarillo

JOE: Egads. Somebody has finally figured me out.

DEAR JOE: Who's afraid of the Y2K? God has been taking care of millenniums forever, and he will be able to handle this one. I like your idea of stocking up on firewood, beans, cash and gas. I'll stock up on wine, turn on the radio and ree-lax. I am sure the whole thing will be over in a minute. -- H.S., Las Vegas

JOE: I suggest you start on the wine a few hours before midnight, just in case there are complications.

DEAR JOE: Crucifying Bill Clinton like this is terrible. I wish someone would investigate the pasts of these finger-pointing people. How would they like it? -- B. and B.N., Monroe, Mich.

DEAR JOE: Jesus supposedly said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Just whom do you suppose in Washington, D.C., would be the one to cast first? -- L.H., Fruitland, Md.

DEAR JOE: I don't understand how people like Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, Dan Burton and the like can stand in judgment of Bill Clinton. Why is this allowed? -- K.H., Cleburne, Texas

JOE: Do I detect a theme here?

DEAR JOE: My opinion? Ken Starr was rejected in the past and is frustrated. He is trying to get even with the world. -- J.S., Abilene, Texas

JOE: That thought has occurred to me, too. Maybe he's angry because that fat kid Clinton got all the girls.

DEAR JOE: William Jefferson Clinton is a member of the Trilateral Commission. This organization is for One World Government. United Nation's Communist control. I wonder how many U.N. soldiers are in the United States today? If the President gets his way, he could put all the military under U.N. control by Executive Order. There would go our Freedom and Liberty. -- G.K., Shelby, Ohio

JOE: I cannot comprehend how I overlooked this threat.

DEAR JOE: You can mock the words of Pat Robertson and support "sexual diversity," but God will have the final say. I am sure you have read in the Bible about Sodom and Gomorrah. Instead of supporting the gay agenda, or any other promiscuous lifestyle, pray for these people that they will accept Christ into their hearts and get help to change. -- S.F., Columbus, Neb.

JOE: The following letter-writer will speak for me:

DEAR JOE: God help us when we forget what our churches are really all about: compassion, forgiveness and the care of the physically and spiritually wounded and the broken-hearted. -- F.D., Athens, Ga.

JOE: Amen, F.D. Amen.

Write to Joseph Spear at the Newspaper Enterprise Association, 200 Madison Ave, New York, NY 10016.

Newspaper Enterprise Assn.