Saturday, May 23, 1998

Where have all the unisexuals gone?

By DALE HANSON BOURKE / Religion News Service

(Dale Hanson Bourke is the publisher of RNS and the mother of two sons who prefer to be called "manly men.")

UNDATED -- I'm so old, I remember when unisex was a new, risque term.

Back in those days, we ducked into shops promising unisex fashions and stuffed our newly rounded figures into men's hip-huggers in dressing rooms where we could see male toes poking out from the next cubicle. It was all so daring!

Many a sermon was preached on the moral decline of the world as illustrated by the unisex trend. Men looked like women, according to the moralists of the day, with their long hair and brightly colored shirts. And women began looking more like men, with the increased popularity of pants, short hair and the decline of the pointed bra.

It was all so unnatural, preachers claimed, as teenagers sitting in the back pew smirked and sneered. Now, it turns out, the pulpit thumpers might have been right.

For those of us who entered adolescence singing the unisex anthem, it is a little disconcerting to be shuffling toward our golden years just as everyone extols the great differences in gender.

This means we spent our peak sexual years downplaying sexual differences and now will be sitting in our rocking chairs, bystanders to the next sexual revolution. Talk about poor timing.

All around us the differences are being flaunted. Best sellers like "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" and its progeny continue to sell in vast quantities. Rob Becker's play "Defending the Caveman" has a theater run that rivals "A Chorus Line."

And even Time magazine features a story this week entitled "Boys "Boys Will Be Boys" that takes the formerly political-incorrect position seriously. Far out!

Rethinking the differences or lack there of between the genders hits me at a particularly vulnerable time. My older son has so much testosterone pulsing through him that I swear there are days he glows. My younger son is now parading through the house with arms raised overhead asking anyone he encounters to smell his manly odor.

Meanwhile, my husband and I are taking the full impact of the ravages of time. I have promised my doctor that if he starts one more discussion with, "At your age ..." I will not be responsible for my actions.

And all this joy over Viagra could only be from men with much, much younger wives. Most of the women I know consider the drug a potential hazard to their health and sleep.

Back in the days of interchangeable bell-bottoms, we were intent on breaking down stereotypes. Women resented their exclusion from sports, jobs and even war. Men longed to show their softer, more vulnerable side. It was all mixed up with racial and peace issues and mostly set to some great music.

We were on a roll and we rarely slowed down enough to consider the veraciousness of our beliefs. The unisex fad was something raised to the same status as peace and considered a moral issue.

The fact is we should have all just calmed down and let it be a trend, not a tenet. We broke down some barriers, but mostly we ran around in uncomfortable, silly clothes.

Eventually most of us grew up, got married, had kids. Unisex sounded too '60s, so we updated it to "inclusive." We dressed our kids in overalls and turtlenecks and let them play with blocks and balls.

Then we noticed the boys shooting the blocks and the girls cradling them. And the girls started clamoring for pink clothes and frills while the boys seemed relentlessly attracted to combat gear. By then we were beginning to feel the effects of all that energy expended on rock concerts and protests. We simply gave up and let them do what came naturally.

Low and behold, they started acting different. They were even proud of it. So much for our unisex ideals.

So, as our frilly girls and macho boys cart us off to the nursing home, we will all sit around in non-gender specific robes and reminisce about the unisex days of our youth. It seemed like a good -- even revolutionary -- idea at the time.

But there was nothing sacred about the unisex movement. We were just trying our wings and testing some long-held assumptions. Turns out, some of them were right. But by raising it to a moral debate we gave it more credence than it deserved. I try to remember this when my son insists on wearing his flip-flops to church.

Some trends attack the very moral fabric of our culture. But most are just a passing fad that will pass even faster if we just shrug and let them be.