Saturday, May 30, 1998

Civility's moral imperative

By DALE HANSON BOURKE

c. 1998 Religion News Service

(Dale Hanson Bourke is publisher of Religion News Service and the mother of two sons.)

UNDATED -- We can no longer call ourselves a civil society.

Consider the evidence: Road rage dominates our highways; politicians taunt each other with schoolyard names; and teachers fear their students.

To many Americans, this tendency is a shame. But to Stephen Carter it is more than that: He believes our incivility is a sin.

In his latest book, the Yale law professor and author of "The Culture of Disbelief" and "Integrity" makes a compelling case for the moral imperative of civility.

"I do not consider civility synonymous with manners," he says in his book, simply titled "Civility" (Basic Books). "I have in mind an attitude of respect, even love, for our fellow citizens. ... Moreover, civility is a moral issue, not just a matter of habit or convention: It is morally better to be civil than to be uncivil."

Carter presents a thoughtful argument to support his thesis, one combining logic with passion. He tells powerful stories to illustrate his points and carefully builds his case, moving the reader from interest to fervor.

To Carter, the trouble all began with the collapse of what he likes to call the three-legged stool: family, religion and education. All three should work together to sustain moral norms and inculcate values in children's lives.

But for many children, one, two or even three legs of the stool are missing.

One of the forces that has kicked the legs out from the stool is our market-driven society, according to the author. He sees it as a powerful voice speaking through omnipresent ads, commercials and workplace pressures.

Getting ahead and getting what we want are messages of the marketplace. But caring for others and sharing what we have are values of a civil society.

Indeed, Carter defines civility as "the sum of many sacrifices we are called to make for the sake of living together." He knows this definition is countercultural. He realizes many people have no interest in sacrifice. But he also dares to hold it up as one of the ways we can redeem ourselves and find our way back to true values.

In this age of rights and privileges, we have forgotten that sacrifice can be liberating, argues Carter. A basic premise of both Christian and Jewish ethics is, "When we pay for the privilege of doing what is right, we are saving ourselves from sin."

Carter does not just blame market forces for the sorry shape of society. He also thinks politics have hit an all-time low, the legal system has been corrupted and the media have become irresponsible.

The media are predominantly cynical and give voice to the most extreme views while claiming to cover issues, asserts Carter. And cynicism is the enemy of civility, he argues.

Religion doesn't get off free in this discussion either. From the debate over abortion to the discussion of whether or not the United States is a "Christian nation," Carter sees a high degree of incivility dominating the tone and substance of public discourse. He does not believe we need to avoid debate or disagreement to be civil. But he does decry using Christian values in a decidedly unchristian way.

To Carter, the importance of civility grows from his own understanding of his Christian faith. The biblical commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself" is the moral basis for being civil.

And Carter calls upon all of us who are parents to rise to the occasion by putting aside our selfish desires, helping to create a more civil society for the sake of our children.

How do we do it? One of Carter's suggestions is to be quiet. He believes the noise of society has helped create some of its incivility. So he suggests moments of silence, peace and reflection, both individually and collectively.

But he stops short of listing 20 ways to be more civil. To Carter, following rules is not the point. Once a person decides to love his neighbor the behavior will follow, he believes.

Such changes require commitment and sacrifice, but they are certain to bring about both a liberation from selfishness and a society in which the common good is a worthy goal.