Saturday, April 18, 1998

Teleconference to explore how to cope with death

By LORETTA FULTON / Abilene Reporter-News

In the United States, most people live a good life, and many live a very long, good life.

They often don't deal with death first hand until they are older, experiencing it in their younger years only through television, movies and the newspaper.

The philosophy seems to be, "If we don't think about it and don't recognize it, it won't hurt us," said Mary Lois Duke, director of the Hospice of the Big Country.

But in reality, everyone knows better, and it is up to people who deal directly with death every day to educate the public about how to cope with it.

One part of that educational process will be a live teleconference to be held at the Abilene Civic Center from noon-4 p.m. Wednesday.

The teleconference, titled, "Living With Grief: Who We Are, How We Grieve," will explore how culture, spirituality, age and gender affect the grieving process.

The conference is sponsored by the Hospice Foundation of America and is put on locally by Hospice of the Big Country and Elmwood Memorial Park and Funeral Home. KTXS-TV is handling the interactive broadcast.

The session and textbook are free to the public. Continuing education units are available for professionals for a fee of $15. Also a videotape of the conference may be purchased. Call 692-0655 to make reservations.

ABC news correspondent Cokie Roberts will moderate the teleconference, which will feature a panel of national professionals. Also, a panel of local experts will be at the Civic Center to answer questions for an hour when the teleconference ends at 3.

One of the local professionals is Robert Penton, assistant professor of sociology at McMurry University who teaches a course on death and dying. He has observed that Americans are so death-denying that even some adults shy away from talking about the subject.

Some students also tell him, "they're just not going to talk about death and dying."

But the ones who do take it are surprised by a number of things. One is the role that religion plays in how people cope with death and dying. People who have a little bit of religion tend to be fearful, while those with a more developed faith face death and dying more gracefully.

Students also are intrigued with the rituals of death in various cultures. One that always gets attention is the custom of the Yanomamo tribe found in the rain forests of Brazil and Venezuela.

The Yanomamos burn the body of the deceased, pound any remaining bones into a fine powder, mix it with a broth and ingest it.

"They feel like a proper way to honor the deceased is to honor the remains," Penton said.

The one-day ritual, on the day of death, is extremely intense, but the next day it's all over. From that day on, the name of the deceased is never spoken again.

"The next day the person doesn't exist anymore," Penton said.

Learning how various cultures and religions handle death helps students come to grips with the reality of it, Penton said.

Likewise, more education about death and the help that is available in dealing with it is invaluable to people who are grieving, said hospice director Duke.

"We're educating the public on grief because over the years we've tried to put a distance between ourselves, death, and grief," she said.

Through education, people learn to go through stages of grieving and one day they wake up and say, "I can handle it," Duke said.

Duke emphasized that Wednesday's teleconference is for the general public, and urged anyone interested, especially those who are grieving, to attend.

"It may help people who are grieving -- I would encourage them to come," she said.

Local people on the panel in addition to Penton are counselor Lillie Campbell, moderator; Dr. Dickie Hill, professor at Abilene Christian University and certified by the Association for Death Education and Counseling; Dr. Mike Stedham, Family Life Ministry of First Baptist Church; Cathy Rea, who has experienced several deaths in her life; Sonja Lewis, Alzheimer's Program Director at Coronado Nursing Center; and the Rev. Jeff Robinette, pastor of United Christian and Presbyterian Church in Coleman.