Saturday, June 27, 1998

Focus on the Family book adds spiritual element to everyday child-rearing advice

By Darryl E. Owens / The Orlando Sentinel

ORLANDO, Fla. -- When Connie and Matthew Paullis married, they knew that as Christians, God was their navigator, the Bible their atlas.

With the birth of their daughter Kaley four years ago, they consulted their Bible. To their chagrin, they found it thick on principles, thin on tips regarding routine parenting crises. After all, even the most thorough search through the Bible would fail to unearth any practical advice on colic, for instance.

The Bible "was more about building patience and keeping in prayer," says Connie, 31. For Kaley's colic, "we tried trial and error," she says.

In March, Connie gave birth to Megan -- and soon experienced deja vu. This time, they tested the new "Focus on the Family Complete Book of Baby & Child Care." Like the Bible, it suggested prayer. However, it also offered tips for calming colic, such as a ride in the car.

Already dog-eared, the Paullises' book rests on their entertainment center beside their Bible and wedding album.

Nearly 90 percent of Americans believe values in our country are eroding, according to a recent survey by Lutheran Brotherhood, a financial and charitable services organization based in Minneapolis. Of those polled, many finger the decline in spiritual influence for this erosion.

Values, more precisely, family values in a conservative Judeo-Christian framework,are the bedrock of "Focus on the Family Complete Book of Baby & Child Care: From Pre-birth through the Teen Years" (Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., $34.99).

On practical matters of parenting, the book offers advice that conforms with any on the market, but in many cases, "Baby & Child Care" adds a spiritual element to the mix.

Since hitting the market last November, the book has sold more than 130,000 copies. Even with the built-in audience from Christian radio broadcaster James Dobson's "Focus on the Family," that is "a lot of books," says Judy Platt, spokeswoman for the Association of American Publishers in Washington, D.C.

The book was the product of Dobson's Focus on the Family Physician's Resource Council, a group of 40 U.S. and Canadian physicians. Dobson, whose program reaches an estimated 5 million listeners weekly, has adopted a high profile in recent months. He recently threatened that conservative Christians would leave the Republican party over GOP congressional leaders' record on abortion and other social issues. This month, he exhorted members of the Southern Baptist Convention to continue their fight in "the civil war of values."

And the glory of "Baby & ChildCare," some say, lies in its emphasis on those conservative family values, and in the way it reaffirms the role of spirituality in the business of parenting.

Dr. Paul Reisser's small and skittish patients benefit from his engaging sense of humor.

As the primary author of 'Baby & Child Care," the Thousand Oaks, Calif., family physician realized he would need all the wit he could muster to punch up dry subjects such as first aid and childhood diseases. Even more difficult was the task of weaving spiritual inspiration into the fabric of daily parenting.

Just how do you mesh God and colic?

On that subject, the book offers this nugget for parents: "Having a world-class wailer is a humbling experience, and it is during these rough times that special intimacy with God often develops. The question to ask Him isn't, 'Why did you give me such a fussy baby?!' but 'What do You want me to learn about myself and life in general through this experience?"

On hot-button issues such as abortion and homosexuality, the authors faced a different challenge: to distill information into a Judeo-Christian perspective -- while appealing to the broader audience the authors hoped to reach.

"You can be forthright about those behaviors without being hostile," Reisser says.

On abortion, for example, "Baby & Child Care" shows a marked philosophical difference compared with other books. "Baby & Child Care" warns that abortion "ends a human life that is designed to develop in a continuous process from conception through birth and beyond ... Like it or not, even under the most trying circumstances, that new person is not better off dead."

Contrast that with "You and Your Adolescent" (HarperPerennial, $15): "Unless a girl has religious or moral objections to abortion, this is often the best decision for everyone involved. When a teen-age girl becomes a mother, her own childhood is cut short... and the baby may suffer as a result."

On homosexuality, "Baby & Child Care" warns that "harsh expressions of revulsion and condemnation are counterproductive ... (but) a resigned and passive nonresponse ... squanders an opportunity to bring about change ... You will need generous amounts of wisdom, because you may be the only voice expressing love while encouraging your child to begin the difficult process of disengaging from ongoing homosexual behavior."

In contrast, "The American Academy of Pediatrics' Caring for your School-age Child: Ages 5 to 12" (Bantam Books, $29.95), says, "Sexual orientation cannot be changed. You need to be supportive and helpful, no matter what your youngster's sexual orientation may be."

Although Reisser contends that the book was aimed at a broad audience, a conservative Christian perspective bleeds through on these controversial subjects.

The authors say their pronouncements are based on biblical injunctions and don't represent any political agenda.

"We know that there will be people who do not agree with us on abortion, on homosexuality, but this is where we go back to the Bible. It's not a judgment, we're just saying this is the ideal situation," says Patricia O. Francis, a pediatrician in Lafayette, Calif., who worked on the book.

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Believers always have contended that faith in God works against negative behavior.

Several years ago, the Search Institute tested that contention.In a survey of 47,000 kids in grades six through 12, researchers with the Minneapolis, Minn., think tank found that when kids increased their attendance and involvement in church-based activities, drug use and early sexual behavior declined.

Values, the study concluded, are a powerful change agent.

It was the birth of his daughter 20 months ago and his belief in values like honesty and chastity that prompted Brian Salamone to return to church.

More than two in every three baby boomers who were reared in a religious tradition left that tradition during their teens or early 20s, noted a study by Wade Clark Roof, religion professor at the University of California-Santa Barbara. Of those, one in four has returned, drawn to the values that religion can teach their kids.

Once Gabrielle was born, Salamone "wanted to strengthen his relationship with the Lord because he knew the baby depended on him and he needed to depend on the Lord," says his wife, Jennifer, 24.

In December, Gabrielle's pediatrician gave the couple a copy of "Baby & Child Care." For parents striving to train their child in the ways of the Lord, the book was a welcome addition to their library of child-rearing manuals.

"How you raise your child up in God is not in 'What to Expect When You're Expecting,' " Jennifer says. "This book goes into how to help them grow up with values."

Jennifer has noticed things in Gabrielle's behavior that she had not expected to see at the child's tender age. At dinner time, Gabrielle will call out to her parents, "Come here, come here" so that she can bless the meal. She sings "Jesus Loves Me."

Of course, many parents have taught and will teach their children Bible songs and prayer without "Baby & Child Care." But the Salamones believe spiritual growth goes beyond how well Gabrielle prays or how many animals she can name on Noah's ark.

Spiritual growth involves discipline, and the book deals with that. Not so much the spare-the-rod stuff -- though the book supports occasional spankings as a useful tool -- but taking responsibility for one's actions, doing unto others as you would have done to you.

Kids develop self-discipline based on the values they learn. And for those with faith, those values flow from God.

"The beginning of discipline begins with God," Jennifer says. "From there, children can understand there is one ruler even above their parents."

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(c) 1998, The Orlando Sentinel (Fla.).

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