Saturday, October 24, 1998

Widow continues late husband's efforts to help others

By Ken Garfield

Knight Ridder Newspapers

CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Betty Gary learned to love so much during the 10 years she was married to Kays.

She learned to love summer days together at their beach house at Cherry Grove, and dinner with friends at Lizzie's on South Tryon here in town. That's where they had their wedding reception.

She loved the 1-carat solitaire diamond ring he gave her when he proposed on Valentine's Day 1987. Charlotte jeweler and politician Al Rousso fixed him up with the ring. Kays was so excited at the prospect of slipping it onto Betty's finger that he popped the question as she stood over the sink doing dishes.

She said yes, of course, and the next decade was the best of her life -- not because of the beach trips or dinners out, but because of her husband's willingness to live for other people.

We all saw the golden side of Kays Gary every time he wrote one of his trademark columns for the Charlotte Observer. One morning he'd inspire us to donate bikes for poor kids. The next he'd have us grieving for a poor Bolivian child with a face disfigured by tumors. Readers wiped away tears and donated $20,000 for surgery.

Betty, 59, lived every day with that heart of gold, and learned to appreciate it whenever someone shared their pain. She'd hear the phone ring, then see Kays ache to get the story into print, even though his newspaper career of 40 years was all but over.

Kays Gary's golden heart gave out on Sept. 13, 1997. He was 76. Every time Betty held her 1-carat solitaire diamond ring up to the light, she'd see the reflection of her husband's undying need to help someone.

Betty settled into a new life after the funeral. Much of her time is spent doting on their seven grandchildren -- including 2-year-old triplets in Wilmington. Since Kays died, she feels the need to be near family -- "You just want to be around people you love."

She also felt the need to try and do a bit of what Kays did. He used his newspaper column to reach out to people. She used her hands and heart during a mission trip to the South American nation of Guyana.

She had always wanted to do God's business in some remote corner of the world, but she never did until Kays was gone. It's as if she chose to honor his memory by continuing his work.

So for 10 days in April, she taught Bible school, helped build a church roof and shooed chickens from the house where they stayed in the countryside. She loved every minute, and she sang the missionary's song of praise for the people she served. They lacked material goods, Betty told me, but they were rich in pride and hope.

She came home with sweet memories. But she also came home thinking about one poor family of five forced to live in a falling-down shack propped up by two-by-fours. She couldn't get this nagging thought of Walter and his family out of her mind. There had to be something she could do for them.

Kays wouldn't have let it drop. How could she?

For $3,000, she learned, the family could get a new home.

She considered Kays' legacy -- that people are more important than things. She considered what makes life sparkle -- it's not wearing fine jewelry, but doing fine things with what you have.

Betty Gary didn't hesitate.

She sold the 1-carat solitaire diamond ring that Kays had given her when he proposed and used the $3,000 to help get Walter and his family a new home.

There's an empty spot on her finger, where the ring used to be. It's been filled by the certain feeling that, somewhere, Kays is smiling.

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(Ken Garfield is the religion editor at The Charlotte Observer. Write to him at: The Charlotte Observer, 600 S. Tryon St., Charlotte, NC 28232.)

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(c) 1998, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.).

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