Saturday, December 19, 1998

Seek inner comfort and joy to combat holiday blues

By Jim Jones

Knight Ridder Newspapers

"God Can Heal Your Wounded Heart" is the holiday message outside a church in Arlington, Texas. Why display such a sad message in the holiday season? Curiously, it's a message that is entirely appropriate.

People often feel the greatest emotional pain during the holiday season, say spiritual leaders and psychiatrists.

I learned something about that years ago when I drew the assignment of covering the police beat on Christmas Day. During my four hours on the job during that holiday, I covered two separate suicides.

The Rev. Robin Webb, pastor of the Tabernacle Baptist Church, where the "wounded hearts" sign is displayed, said people are either very happy or very sad during the holidays. "There's no middle ground," Webb said. "As Christians, we believe our relationship to God can carry us through the sadness."

Dr. Howard Cutler, a Phoenix psychiatrist, said the holidays are stressful for many reasons. If one has lost family or friends through death or divorce, the holidays bring on feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Those with family feel tension as they brave crowded malls and drive bumper-to-bumper on hazardous highways visiting relatives. Even family gatherings often stir up painful memories of negative relationships and disturbing events of childhood.

So how do we cope with holiday sadness? Spiritual leaders and friends in churches, synagogues and mosques can offer much help through their continued support, Cutler said.

And assistance can come from an often-overlooked source -- the teachings of the world's most famous Buddhist, the Dalai Lama, Cutler says.

Cutler called attention to the Dalai Lama because he has collaborated with him on a new book, "The Art of Happiness," released this month by Riverhead Books ($22.95).

"I truly believe the Dalai Lama has found the secret of happiness," said Cutler, who is Jewish. "Whether you are Christian, Jewish or some other faith, you can profit from the teachings of the Dalai Lama."

He met Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, in 1981 after receiving a grant from the University of Arizona to travel to Dharamsala, India. Later, they met in Arizona and other locations.

The Dalai Lama, whose buoyant personality is well-known to many Americans, has found that happiness isn't determined by external factors, Cutler said.

"Happiness to the Dalai Lama is a feeling of joy and sense of inner contentment that results from developing a calm, stable state of mind, rooted in affection and compassion," Cutler said. "His overall approach to attaining happiness involves working on overcoming negative states of mind such as anger, hatred, greed, etc."

Easier said than done, Cutler admits. But it can be achieved, he said, by focusing on certain principles embraced by Christianity, Judaism and most of the world's other religions. Here are some of Cutler's strategies for confronting the holiday season:

-- "Reset priorities and set aside a quiet time each day to think of the true sources of happiness in life. Does happiness result from making more money, enjoying greater career success or having a better body? Or does it arise from inner qualities such as kindness, tolerance and forgiveness?"

-- "Count your blessings. Simplistic as it may seem, you can in fact change your life by focusing on the things we have in life rather than on the things we wish we had."

-- "Reach out to others. The conscious decision to help others, even in a small way, can transform your holiday season into one of joy." Whether they are Buddhists or Baptists, we applaud those who seek to give aid and comfort to those with "wounded hearts."

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(Jim Jones is religion editor of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Write to him at: the Star-Telegram, P.O. Box 1870, Fort Worth, TX 76101, or send e-mail to: jimjones@star-telegram.com )

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(c) 1998, Fort Worth Star-Telegram

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