Saturday, March 14, 1998

Trend toward broken promises isn't encouraging

By Tom Schaefer / Knight Ridder Newspapers

When I was a child, my parents stood at the church's baptismal font and promised to rear me in the Christian faith. Fourteen years later, I stood near that same font, promising to be faithful until death to the One who has redeemed me from sin, death and the power of evil. I'm doing my best, with the help of God, to uphold that vow.

I've made a number of other vows in my life. Vows I swore I'd uphold. At 25, I promised to honor and cherish the woman I love and to remain faithful to her "till death do us part." I've kept that one and plan to keep on keeping it.

A year later, I was ordained a Lutheran minister, vowing to uphold specific teachings of the church. I'm no longer a clergyman, so I guess you could say I've not upheld that vow to the fullest.

And so it goes. I've kept some promises and half-kept others. I hope to break as few as possible in the future. Am I any better or worse than others when it comes to keeping promises? I'm not sure, but I do know that the trend of promise-keeping -- from earliest times till now -- is not encouraging.

In ancient times, it was believed that the spoken word had intrinsic power. What was said would come to be. People lived and died by their word. What a concept.

The Scriptures tell the story of a deity who makes promises and always keeps them. It's that assurance of fulfillment that keeps alive the hopes of those who trust the word of God.

Yet, that faith in divine promises stands in contrast to a disregard for human promises. Today, finding people who consistently keep their word can be as rare as finding truth seekers at a liars' convention. Just look at the cultural signposts:

High divorce rates show how often spouses dismiss their wedding vows. Political scandals, which seem to happen with more and more regularity, underscore the willingness of politicians to violate laws they've promised to uphold. Financial illegalities from bankruptcies, which often mean an easy way out of obligated debt, to cheating on taxes, which shows a disregard for community responsibility highlight a lack of honor and a disdain for truthfulness.

Years ago, the popular credo of personal integrity was "my word is my bond." Today, it's "once fooled, shame on you; twice fooled, shame on me." We've learned to take another at his word -- if that word is accompanied by properly executed and signed legal documents. The fact is, most of us don't trust only a handshake and a verbal promise. Shysters, con men and sweepstakes "guarantees" have fooled us once too often.

But we're also starting to see a backlash to this lack of trust and an eagerness to make vows more meaningful.

Marriage covenants, for instance, are an attempt to reinforce the seriousness of wedding vows and hold two people more tightly to the promises they've made.

Ministers are applying stricter standards to help them decide whose weddings they'll officiate at. (Fewer clerics are willing to marry a couple who won't agree to extended premarital counseling.)

Voters are turning out of office legislators who in the past would have been excused for their ethical shenanigans. Seniority and pork-barrel promises no longer guarantee absolution for such misdeeds.

Even with those tentative efforts, few people trust the word of another; most expect vows to be conditional and promises to be temporary. If this attitude were universally practiced, think of the results: Loyalty to the military's chain of command, for example, would be optional. Fidelity to one's spouse would be a negotiated matter. Honesty in human encounters would be dependent on what seemed right in the circumstance. (After all, what's wrong today can always be declared right tomorrow.)

Isn't there a better way to live? Of course, but it's not easy. It means thinking daily about our obligations -- to self, to others, to God. It means enduring struggles to maintain faithfulness. It means believing in integrity over expediency. And it means, when a vow is broken, starting anew with a commitment to do better.

I'm not preaching perfection. Lord knows I've broken some vows. But if we're to regain a trust with one another, it has to begin with each of us showing, by words and deeds, that we're committed to the credo: My word is my bond.

What a concept.

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(Tom Schaefer writes about religion and ethics for the Wichita (Kan.) Eagle. Write to him at the Wichita Eagle, P.O. Box 820, Wichita, KS 67201, or send e-mail to tschaefer(at)wichitaeagle.com )

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(c) 1998, The Wichita Eagle (Wichita, Kan.).

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