Saturday, October 3, 1998

Isolated seniors in need of sympathetic ear, programs

By Tom Schaefer

Knight Ridder Newspapers

She was 80 years old, scared and confused.

She wouldn't tell me her name and was embarrassed by her situation.

"I just couldn't talk to someone I know," she said. She called me because she found my phone number in The Wichita (Kan.) Eagle.

Hospitalized because of an injury, and suffering from what she described as depression, she didn't know where else to turn.

The doctors and nurses who saw her were brusque and impatient, she said. The medical forms she had to fill out were baffling. Calls for help resulted in a merry-go-round of phone-menu selections she couldn't decipher.

"I thought everything would be fine when I moved to Wichita, but nobody seems to care," she said, fighting back tears. "I don't know what to do."

She had recently moved here from a large Midwestern city to be near one of her sons. Her husband died years ago.

Her son works long hours at a local aircraft company and just doesn't have the time or ability to help her.

She attends a Catholic church, but it's not like the close-knit parish in her hometown. The priest is young and "a bit arrogant." The anchor of faith she's held on to for years is slipping away.

"I hang on to my pillow and rosary beads, but that doesn't seem to help."

I tried to get her name and phone number, even suggested folks she could call for help, but to no avail.

"I just need someone to put their arms around me and hug me," she said, weeping softly. Then she hung up.

I sat silently for a few minutes, wondering whether I could have done something more, whether she might call back or follow up on a few of my suggestions.

Then I thought: How many others are like her, confused by insurance forms that look like hieroglyphics, frightened when medical bills arrive that seem impossible to pay -- and facing all of it alone?

I called Judy Finnell, executive director of Senior Services, a nonprofit agency in Wichita that helps older people.

"There's an awful lot of people who need help and don't know where to turn," she said.

To respond to their needs, her agency has 11 programs that provide a range of services, from Meals on Wheels to in-home health care to seminars on filling out insurance forms.

One of the agency's newer programs, Neighborhood Connections, links volunteers with people 55 and older who have health problems or disabilities and who have no family or friends to help. Volunteers do household cleaning or lawn care or provide transportation for shopping, among other services. Sometimes they may do nothing more than engage in friendly conversation with an older adult.

In one sense, the program is a throwback to an earlier time, when neighbors helped neighbors and the elderly were treated with respect.

But the complexities of modern life, along with the distance of families and the isolation of neighbors, have weakened the fabric of family and community.

That's why demand for these kinds of programs is likely to increase.

Consider the numbers:

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the estimated 33 million Americans over age 65 three years ago will grow to 53 million by 2020 and to 80 million by 2050.

Those who are 85 and older, the bureau reports, will be the fastest-growing segment, expected to double to 7 million by 2020 and to 80 million by 2050.

The needs they'll have will be daunting. As Finnell of Senior Services says of the several thousand people her agency serves, "I don't think we could do it without volunteers, friends and neighbors."

And lots of them.

So, who should volunteer? Young and old, rich and poor -- people who simply want to help another person and who understand the importance of being a neighbor and a friend.

For me, I won't forget the 80-year-old woman who poured out her heart, desperately seeking help. If I can't find her, maybe I can help someone else in need.

Maybe you can, too.

X X X

(c) 1998, The Wichita Eagle (Wichita, Kan.).

Visit the Eagle on the World Wide Web at http://www.wichitaeagle.com/

Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services.