Saturday, December 5, 1998

'Answerizing' threatens to debase our relationship with God

By Tom Schaefer

The Wichita Eagle

A minister calls the children to the front of the church and begins his mini-sermon by asking them: "What gathers nuts in the fall, has a bushy tail and climbs trees?" After a long silence, an 8-year-old finally says: "I'm sure the right answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me."

L. Gregory Jones, dean of Duke Divinity School, tells the joke in a recent issue of Christian Century to make a point about what is called "answerizing," namely, a belief that a person knows the right answer regardless of the question.

You may be more familiar with the technique in the political arena. Answerizing has become the primary mode of political discussion as "spin doctors" make their predetermined statements fit whatever questions are asked. (If you're still unclear, tune in any TV talk show and listen to the political pundits.)

Jones sees a dangerous trend in such behavior: "These tendencies toward answerizing are threatening to debase our conversations and our communities."

And, I would add, our relationship with God.

Answerizing, it seems to me, has its roots in families. Parents teach a variation of it to their children. If a child asks a question the parent would rather avoid, he or she may respond with one of several answerizing options: 1. "Go ask your father/mother." 2. "We'll talk about it later." 3. "No, because I said so." (When the questioning becomes persistent, all three often are used at the same time.)

Although none of them is the "right answer," each is offered so as to get a parent off the hook -- and the kid out of the way.

Why this early tendency toward answerizing? Because it's harder for parents to sit down and discuss the reasons they refuse their children's requests. To be fair to parents, children aren't always in the most receptive mood for a straight-forward discussion. Nonetheless, children deserve fair and honest answers.

Then teen-agers come along -- or however it is they seem suddenly to appear -- and they learn to adapt the technique. Any question a parent asks, a teen-ager tends to answer with "Idon'tknow." (When spoken, the words tend to run together like that.) Or the standard parental question "Where are you going?" is often met with the robotic-type response "out."

Of course spouses know the routine, too. "Yes, dear" is the humorous, answerizing response made by lots of husbands and "in a minute" by countless wives. Sadly, when even those programmed responses fail to function, deadly silence that eventually can destroy a once-loving relationship is often the result.

What's true in interpersonal relationships also can be true in eternal ones.

As children, many of us learned to trust God unconditionally. From bedtime prayers to table prayers to the quiet conversations alone in that private place we claimed as ours, we talked easily, directly and honestly with the One who we believed ruled the heavens and the earth and cared for us like a father. We could tell him about every fear or worry, and he would listen and make it right.

Then we grew up, and the answerizing techniques we used in our personal relationships often carried over to our relationship with God. Eventually, God became for many people no more than an expletive, no longer a caring father. And the distance -- and silence -- between father and child grew.

Fortunately, many learn at some point: There is a void in my life that nothing tangible can fill. And for them, the urgent question becomes: How do I reconnect that relationship that has deteriorated or died?

Adapting the suggestions of Mark Schwehn in "Exiles From Eden," Jones suggests a starting point to reconnect earthly relationships that, I believe, also can apply to a heavenly one: Cultivate the virtues of humility, truthfulness and "interpretive charity."

By humility, Jones suggests that we admit that "we see through a glass darkly" and don't have all the right answers. It's an attitude we need to cultivate -- with lower and higher powers.

By truth, he means listening to the other person, trying to understand what he or she has to say rather than seeking to win the argument and assert power. That same lesson applies in our relationship with God. Worship, meditation and prayer are some of the tools available for listening and for drawing us closer to the Creator who still cares for us.

Interpretive charity means looking at others in the best possible light. Or as the 16th-century reformer Martin Luther defined such charity: putting the best construction on everything, whether it be the actions of loved ones or friends, or the mysterious ways of God.

Living in such a way can seem to be a tall order. But if we want to overcome despair and cynicism and live with hope, then we have to set aside selfish interests and cultivate relationships built on honesty and trust -- with others and with our God.

It's somewhat like being a child again and calling a squirrel a squirrel.

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(Tom Schaefer writes about religion and ethics for the Wichita (Kan.) Eagle. Write to him at the Wichita Eagle, P.O. Box 820, Wichita, KS 67201, or send e-mail to tschaefer@wichitaeagle.com )

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