Thursday, May 29, 1997

Civility important in business settings

By ANN HUMPHRIES / Knight-Ridder Newspapers

Clarifying the difference between social etiquette and business etiquette may simplify people's choices on how to conduct themselves in business settings.

In social etiquette, gender and age take precedence, whereas in business etiquette, rank, hierarchy and power prevail. You'd think this distinction would be simple to understand, but it's extremely confusing.

Sorting through the choices of appropriate behavior even in 1997 takes phenomenal agility and, frankly, some strategic ambiguity to buy a few seconds to determine your or your party's preference or intent.

Technology and population density scramble etiquette even more. The etiquette pioneers didn't need to contend with automatic door locks or intend for men to hold doors for hours at discount stores during the holiday crush.

Donna Taylor, vice president of the San Marcos Area Chamber of Commerce, says: "We're all savvy business professionals. We've progressed and learned a great deal, but there's still a lot to learn about etiquette between men and women at work. We are eager to learn more about gender issues."

Courtesy is still basic regardless of gender, and we need to move beyond, "I can get the door myself," "You wanted equality, lady, get your own door," or "You just don't get it," and "Get over it."

Because we can't all go through the door at one time, we need a few guidelines and some tolerance to live somewhat peacefully together for a while.

When you have questions about how to act, ask yourself, "Is this predominantly social or business?" You won't make mistakes unless you become dogmatic. People notice and admire versatility, adaptability and kind correction.

Respect and regard are manifested in broad statements, legislation and policies, but also appear in the details. That's why the subtleties of individual gestures and language don't always have an impact, but when repeated or considered collectively make an important statement.

Be civil with one another.