Texans "sorta" shrug off SPY's annoyance ranking

By PAULINE ARRILLAGA
Associated Press

"Don't mess with Texas" apparently has fallen on deaf ears at SPY magazine, which has named the Lone Star State the most annoying in the nation.

And in the land where everything's supposed to be bigger and better, the designation has left some, well, annoyed.

"If you get annoyed by blue skies and friendly people and lots of space and strong women, don't come," suggests former Lady Bird Johnson press secretary and Texas enthusiast Liz Carpenter.

The Most Annoying States roster is included in the June issue of the bimonthly satirical magazine. Titled "God Help America," the article ranks the 50 states in order of annoyance.

"Texas may not be the worst place in the country," write authors Alex Gregory and Peter Hyuck, saying that title belongs to the District of Columbia. "But like the vulgar, free-wheeling yahoos that reside there, the former Lone Star Republic is bigger, louder, and full of more baseless braggadocio than any other state. ... Houston, we have a problem, indeed."

So what, exactly, is so irritating about Texas? The list is broken down into six categories, with dozens of examples. Here are a few:

• Reasons not to live there: The phrases "big ole" and "little bitty." Rodeo is not only a socially acceptable cultural medium, it is also part of the curriculum at many Texas colleges and universities.
• What passes for culture: The National Cowgirl Hall of Fame.
• What passes for entertainment: World Championship Slingshot Matches. Billed as a "shoot-em-out with slingshots."
• Dumbest laws: It is illegal to milk another person's cow. The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
• Dumbest towns: Bigfoot, Hicks and Ding Dong.
• Most embarrassing residents or natives: Meat Loaf, Anna Nicole Smith and George and Babs Bush.

Gov. George W. Bush, the son of the former president, was in California Thursday and unavailable for comment. But his spokesman, Ray Sullivan, urged people to come to Texas and form their own judgment.

"The folks at SPY magazine are obviously a little envious of what Texas has to offer," Sullivan said.

"We have wide open spaces, a great quality of life and a growing economy. We would invite people to come down and see for themselves how great Texas really is."

Secretary of State Tony Garza admitted Texas is uniquely prideful, but annoying?

"It's a Texas thing, and if the rest of the world can't understand it, that's fine," he said.

SPY Executive Editor Lance Gould said the magazine decided to compile the list in advance of the "USA, USA chants that will be coming around with the Olympics." It's also a comical jab at rankings such as the 50 best places to live, he said.

To come up with the list, the magazine gathered the most bizarre characteristics of each state using reference books such as one called Looney Laws. The editors then voted.

"Texas was far and away the most annoying," Gould said.

Florida, described as just like California but tackier and more culturally destitute, was second and Nevada (the state's only two attractions are legalized gambling and prostitution) was third.

The least most annoying state was New Jersey. New York, where SPY magazine is based, was No. 10.

There may be one saving grace for Texans annoyed by the Annoying States roster, says Gould.
"Were the poll held today, it might have much stronger competition from Montana," he said of the state where Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski lives and where the Freemen have staged a standoff with the FBI.

"But I think Texas would still come out on top."