Men, get ready to wear the Pectalum

By Bob Greene

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - My lifelong necktie routine has been pretty simple: Buy a tie, wear it for three years or until it unravels (whichever comes first), then buy another tie for the next three years.

From the looks of my current blue-and-red necktie, it appears to be time to purchase another blue-and-red necktie. Beverly Hills would seem to be a good place to do it - they have lots of clothes for sale here, or so I have been told - and as I was flipping through a local magazine the other day I kept my eye cocked for necktie ads.

The magazine in question is something called Buzz, a publication so hip that it terrifies me. A few years ago when I was here I was reading Buzz and came across an article with the headline "The 100 Coolest People in L.A."

Reading that article so intimidated me - with its rigid guidelines about what it takes to be cool in Los Angeles - that I locked myself in my hotel room for three days, afraid to go out and reveal my uncoolness to all the cool people who stood ready to ridicule me on Wilshire Boulevard.

Anyway, here was Buzz again, and as I looked for necktie ads I found an ad that threatened to confine me to my room again. The advertisement was for a product that seemed to be a necktie, sort of - but a necktie for cool people. Or so I assumed.

The product, according to the ad, was called the Pectalum: "the newest trend in neckwear, many styles to choose from." There was a picture of a man wearing a Pectalum in the ad. A Pectalum is ...

Well, the best I can do to describe it is that it looks like a heavy, jewel-encrusted Olympic gold medal, held around a man's neck by what appears to be a black satin ribbon. The Pectalum is nestled tightly against the man's throat, close to where his Adam's apple is supposed to be.

The Pectalum, the ad said, was designed by a man named Don Michael. I got his phone number here in Beverly Hills and I called him. I said I was in the market for a durable necktie, and was a little confused by the concept of this Pectalum.

"The Pectalum is a name I made up," Don Michael said. "I want the word to mean 'from the ocean.' The Pectalum is a unique broach pin that I created, a piece of clothing that has never been created before."

And the point of the Pectalum is ...

"It is to serve the same function as a tie."

And men in Beverly Hills wear these Pectalums? In place of neckties?

"They are beginning to," Michael said. "A man can wear a Pectalum instead of a necktie at formal occasions, or to the office."

So you're supposed to go to work with this big bejeweled medallion strapped to your neck.

"Celebrities own them," Michael said. "Eddie Murphy has a Pectalum, Dick Clark, Samuel Jackson, Garth Brooks ..."

These famous men really endorse the Pectalum?

"Well, no, they don't endorse them," Michael said. "But I have given Pectalums to all of them. So I know that they own them."

How did he manage to give the Pectalums to those men?

"I go to awards shows and hand them out to people I think would look good in them," he said.

He said that the Pectalums sell in a price range from $95 to $165. "The Pectalum is a way for a man to show he has class," Michael said.

I asked what would happen at a business meeting if 12 men were wearing regular neckties, and the last man into the meeting showed up with a Pectalum.

"The 12 men would be standard men," Michael said. "The man with the Pectalum would be a cut about the standard."

Might the Pectalum be seen as a little un-macho?

"I don't think so," Michael said. "Women love to see their men in Pectalums."

The Pectalum looks like a chunk of some European archduke's crown, strapped to a guy's throat.

"Women like a little bit of royalty," Michael said. "They don't have to go to Europe to find it. They can have it right here, with their men who wear Pectalums."

Does Michael himself wear Pectalums?

"All the time," he said. "People stop me on the street and say, 'I would give anything to have that thing on your neck.' "

We bade each other good day. I triple-locked my hotel room door.

And then called Lands' End to ask about blue-and-red ties.

Chicago Tribune