Well, pilgrim, they weren't all great

By MIKE ROYKO

I wasn't surprised when a call came from Little Eddie the Boots. Or that he sounded miffed when he asked: "You know this bozo Garry Wills?"

Yes, I know him, and he's not a bozo. He's a distinguished author, journalist, scholar and a good guy - for a professor.

Little Eddie the Boots snorted. "Yeah? Well, he don't know squat about westerns. You see the knock he put on 'Shane'?"

Yes, I have. And I understand why it aroused strong feelings in Little Eddie the Boots.

Little Eddie belongs to a loose-knit club known as the Great Westerns Gang. It was formed, sort of, a few years ago when I did a column on what I considered the 10 greatest westerns of all time. That was when I first heard from Little Eddie the Boots and others who had strong opinions on the subject. Since then, we have kept in touch, especially when a new western comes out.

He is known as Little Eddie the Boots because (1) he is a little guy and (2) on his little feet he wears a pair of little cowboy boots.

His all-time western hero is Alan Ladd, a little guy who played Shane in the great western of that name. And he was offended by a Chicago Tribune story about Wills and his most recent book, John Wayne's America.

In the interview, Wills provided a list of his top 10 westerns. Not only did Wills omit "Shane," but worse, he made a disparaging remark about it.

"You can't let that thing go in the paper without calling him out," Little Eddie said. "The guy is a professor, so there are gullible young people who might believe his list. You can't let him get away with polluting their minds. The least you can do is print our list so they are guided down the right trail."

Maybe we do have such an obligation. I first became aware of that when a movie called "Pale Rider," starring Clint Eastwood, came out. Members of the Great Western Gang were outraged.

It was obvious "Pale Rider" was a brazen ripoff of "Shane." The plot, almost scene by scene, was nothing but a remake.

At the urging of my fellow club members, I asked the city's - maybe the nation's - two best known film critics why they hadn't blasted the makers of "Pale Rider" for the blatant theft.

I got blank stares. Through pitiless interrogation, I learned neither of these film scholars had ever seen "Shane." The critics were lucky a nice guy such as me, rather than someone from the National Enquirer, had uncovered this potential scandal.

Anyway, I'll repeat Wills' 10 great westerns and the list chosen by the club.

Wills': "The Searchers," "Red River," "The Big Trail," "Rio Grande," "Stagecoach," "Fort Apache," "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon," "Pursued," "The Gunfighter" and "The Iron Horse."

Note the first seven are John Wayne movies, which is OK. The problem is, they aren't all great, and they don't include two of Wayne's very best.

Also note the last movie, "The Iron Horse," is almost unknown because it was made in 1924. Come, now, Wills, stop flaunting your history professorship.

Now for our list, which is in no special order because we gave up trying to rank any single western as the greatest: "The Magnificent Seven," "True Grit," "The Wild Bunch," "High Noon," "The Shootist," "Stagecoach," "Unforgiven," "Viva Zapata!," "The Searchers" and "Shane."

Some might argue that "Viva Zapata!" was not a true western since it was the story of the Mexican patriot-revolutionary. But Emiliano (Marlon Brando) and his followers wore big hats, rode horses, shot it out with bad guys and treated women like weak and dumb creatures, so what else does it need?

Others will sniff that "The Magnificent Seven" was a western remake of the great Japanese movie "Seven Samurai." Sure, it admitted that in the credits. But so what? If the Japanese producer had a choice, he would surely have made a western rather than a movie in which the heroes were stumpy, bowlegged guys who wore bathrobes and couldn't speak English.

Some might be surprised "Red River" was omitted since it usually makes the critics' great westerns lists. Sorry, but we decided the movie's many fine points were bogged down by the female lead, Joanne Dru, I believe, who was so clinging, manipulative, gooey and intrusive that she should have been tossed to the Indians. And by the ridiculous notion that delicate Montgomery Clift would get in a knock-down fistfight with the Duke and hold his own. The twit couldn't have arm-wrestled Dru.

The club also abandoned our Rule of 12, which outlawed any western that couldn't be seen by a 12-year-old boy. This would have ruled out "Unforgiven" and "The Wild Bunch" because of their lewd women.

As one of our liberal members said: "If a lad is old enough to score drugs and do drive-by shootings, he's old enough to see a cowboy's kind of gal."

It's a changing world.

Chicago Tribune