Saturday, September 20, 1997

When practiced biblically, marital submission can be rewarding

By JOY THOMPSON

Knight-Ridder Newspapers

When I learned that the National Organization for Women had taken a position opposing the Promise Keeper's Christian men's movement, I was a little surprised. Having written about the Promise Keepers in the past, I felt the movement embraced an agenda that benefited women, not harmed them.

For example, among the seven promises the men are expected to uphold is a pledge to be "committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection and biblical values." Therein, I recently discovered, lies the source of contention. "Biblical values" in the eyes of NOW leaders means telling women they must be submissive to men. And that kind of submission, in their opinion, is an awful, destructive thing. Not so, some of my married friends say. When practiced biblically, marital submission can be really rewarding - for the wife and husband.

The leaders of Promise Keepers don't publicly preach submission. But they do talk about men resuming their rightful positions as heads of household. And that troubles feminists.

What particularly alarms NOW is the growth of the Promise Keepers movement. The nondenominational Christian men's movement was started by Bill McCartney, a former football coach at Colorado. The conferences have gone from drawing 4,200 men in Boulder, Colo., in 1991 to drawing hundreds of thousands in stadiums across the nation. The Promise Keepers conference held at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in May drew 45,000 men. And in October, the organization is expected to draw hundreds of thousands of men to Washington, D.C. for a special prayer rally.

Those kind of numbers make NOW leaders nervous. They are gearing up for the D.C. event with plans for some sort of counter-event. Since Promise Keepers draws conservative Christians, NOW suspects its organizers of have underlying political motives similar to those of the Religious Right.

"What Promise Keepers really want is an unequal society where the men dominate and the women are in submission," said Janice Rocco, president of the Los Angeles Chapter of NOW. "I don't want to see the Bible become the Constitution of the United States."

As for the good things Promise Keepers advocate - men being faithful husbands, loving fathers and respectful boyfriends, Rocco said: "Women deserve to be in relationships with men who will treat their wives properly. But if part of the bargain is losing the rights they have gained over the past few years, then that's not a bargain they want to buy into."

But my friend and Bible group leader, Beka Castro, views her relationship with her husband Armando as a bargain, one with many rewards. She has been married to Armando for two years, and for her respecting Armando as head decision-maker in the household is simply a way of showing her love for him.

"I really know it makes him feel great when he feels respected," Beka said. "He in turn responds in love ... It's great. It feeds each other. And our relationship gets stronger and stronger." Armando also respects her opinions and feelings because he loves her, she added.

The main problem with submission is that it is frequently misunderstood and taught incorrectly. The passage in Ephesians 5 that talks about a wife submitting to her husband in everything is sandwiched between verse 21, which says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ," and verse 25, which says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church." Further down, verse 28 says "husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." According to this and other Bible passages, submission is about mutual respect.

I have heard of women who have been beaten and subjected to other forms of abuse by cruel husbands who justified their actions in the name of "teaching their women to submit." But I can say with the confidence of the Scriptures that that type of teaching is neither godly nor biblical. Being in a position of authority is never a license to abuse that authority, especially as a Christian.

I can understand some of NOW's apprehension about the Promise Keeper's movement. But I feel their fears are overblown. This is a free country, and thanks in large part to the feminist movement, women are free to do what ever they want. They are even free to show their love for their husbands by giving them respect.

(Joy Thompson is an editorial writer for the Long Beach Press-Telegram. You can write to her at 604 Pine Ave., Long Beach, Calif. 90844.)