Saturday, September 27, 1997

For 'Brady Bunch of the '90s,' marriage should be part of the script

By Joy Thompson

Knight-Ridder Newspapers

LONG BEACH, Calif. - On the front page of the Press-Telegram last Wednesday, columnist Chris Christensen wrote a piece about a family she described as the "Brady Bunch of the '90s." However, reading the story left me longing for the "Bunch" of old.

The "Brady Bunch" was a 1970s television show about a man and a woman with four kids apiece marrying and creating a happy household out of the resulting brood of six. In the modern Long Beach version of the tale, as told in Christensen's column, a woman with three children and a man with three children also fall in love and set up a household. The column gave readers a taste of what everyday life is like for this unique family of 10. The family certainly comes across as a sharp, happy one.

It isn't until the middle of the column, though, that we discover that the couple is not married. "Our goal is to marry, as soon as the last of the legalities is ironed out from my first marriage," Stephanie Harper said of her relationship with Michael Cataline. Perhaps they truly represent the "Brady Bunch of the '90s." Marriage today is widely viewed as an option, not a requirement for setting up house or even having children. For some, such living situations are fine and acceptable. But not for me.

You could say I'm from "the old school." My moral values go back - way back to the Bible. As a Christian who believes that the Bible is the word of a very real and infallible God, I believe that men and women should marry before setting up a household.

In a very practical sense, when it comes to relationships today, anything goes. But from my point of view, moral values are not disposable from decade to decade or millennium to millennium.

"For the word of God is living and active," the Bible says in Hebrews 4:12 (NIV). That means that it is relevant. Times may change and become more modern. However, people and their needs remain the same. One of those needs is for some sort of moral compass - something unchangeable, unmovable, reliable. For me, the Bible qualifies as such a standard.

But the Bible is just a collection of men's opinions, people argue. And those opinions were shaped by the times in which these men lived. Therefore, they are invalid. Such statements about the Bible are also a matter of opinion - and faith. The Bible contains several built-in defenses of its origins, including this passage in II Peter 1:20-21:

"Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit."

It all depends on whose opinion you trust the most: The opinions of the educated men who will challenge the fallibility of the Bible or the opinions of the men who the Bible says were directly inspired by God.

At the same time, I also understand that the Bible's standards won't be accepted by everyone. (And some of its passages are difficult to interpret for today.) The Bible contains many hard teachings that challenge the emotions and the heart. Its teachings are not always convenient to follow. And that is why people reject them. I have come to my beliefs about the Bible and its relevancy to "modern life" as a result of long and serious Bible study and personal examination.

My beliefs are not based on my feelings. If they were, I would do whatever felt right to me. Nor are they based on tradition, certainly not personal tradition. My parents were never married. I was reared by my grandparents. And despite how much people talk about the conservative moral sensibilities of the past, I know that people often had sexual relations and even children before marriage. Adultery was common as well. It just wasn't talked about openly. The reality of what was happening in the old days certainly doesn't make those days any more good or moral than the '90s.

So I don't base my moral values on any kind of moral tradition. Traditions change. Feelings change. But the word of God stays the same. And that is what I hold on to. It has not been easy, but it definitely has been rewarding.

Harper and Cataline's household was held up as a positive example on the front page of the Press-Telegram Wednesday. And indeed, many married couples could learn a lot from the love and dedication this couple has for each other and their children. But the "Brady Bunch of the '90s" will be even more inspiring when marriage is a part of the script.

(Joy Thompson is an editorial writer for the Long Beach Press-Telegram. You can write to her at 604 Pine Ave., Long Beach, Calif. 90844.)