Saturday, March 29, 1997

An inner-city resurrection

By Mike McManus

WASHINGTON Lawrence Sharp III once considered suicide. Seated in his car in Cleveland, he had a gun pointed at his own temple. But he made a phone call with his other hand to a worker at the National Institute for Responsible Fatherhood.

Sharp first complained that his wife was always mistreating him. Then he said his first wife was keeping him away from his two children. The Institute's employee then asked a question.

"If you could give up all your selfish existence and dedicate yourself 100 percent to pleasing your wife, and your wife gave up her selfishness 100 percent to please you, what would be the result?"

"We would have a relationship filled with ecstacy," he said. "But you don't have control over her life, only your own. The best thing you can do for your two children is to show love and appreciation for their mother," said the unnamed worker.

Suddenly, a huge burden was lifted from Sharp's mind. His hand, holding the gun which he had planned to fire in the middle of the conversation, dropped. As it did so he pulled the trigger, and a bullet slammed into the dashboard.

In a flash he saw how he could break the chain of fatherlessness that had weighted down three generations of Sharps. His grandfather was not present when his dad was raised. And his dad was a negative influence neglectful and violently abusive.

Lawrence grew up thinking, "I will not be like that guy."

But he repeated the pattern abusive with his first wife, abandoning his first two children. However, if he changed his pattern of relating to his first wife, showing her respect and consideration, she probably would give him access to his kids.

That was the beginning of his inner city resurrection. He gained access to the kids and now views his "primary role as father is to love them in such a way that they go to heaven."

Specifically, Sharp was inspired by Charles Ballard, founder of the Institute, to model a risk-free lifestyle he wanted his kids to follow, giving up drinking, drug use and even smoking. He realized that "the child is the only one who can determine if the parent is spending quality time" with that child.

He began volunteering his time to the Institute to help other men reconnect with their children. He asked men questions to help them envision their future. "What would your daughters and their mother like you to be as a father?"

One unemployed man knew they would want him to have a job, but while looking for work, he could pick up kids from day care, to give their mothera break, the opposite tactic of seeking legal visitation rights.

Inspired by the last verse of Malachi, "He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers" he called his father and said, "I want to talk."

His dad replied, "I don't have time."

Lawrence persisted, telling him on the phone, "I love you."

After two years of hangups, his father called him to say, "I love you."

Today Lawrence and his wife, Marlene, run the Washington office of the Institute. She works with the women in the same way he works with men. She visits them in their homes and urges them to give a father who is healing, access to his kids. She also teaches a 16 week course on role modeling, finances, etc.

The people they serve are called "proteges" which implies they have something to contribute and great potential, rather than "clients" who are dependent on professionals for help.

Marjorie Beach is a mother who resisted the dad's attempts to see his children.

"He never bought her Pampers or was there to give her a hug or a kiss. I was the sole provider. I did not want him in my daughter's life."

But as she allowed him access, she saw remarkable changes in her 8-year-old. Her grades in school soared and she now talks with energy and excitement. Recently the father, Marjorie and her husband celebrated the girl's birthday.

Charles Ballard, head of the Institute for Responsible Fatherhood (202 293-4420) and his staff are committed Christians who've helped 2,000 inner city men find resurrection.

"I was a persecutor and a Pharisee but now know Christ's love," says Sharp.