Saturday, December 13, 1997

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition

By MICHAEL O'CONNOR / Abilene Reporter-News

Preachers beware. One of the innocent-looking worshipers in your church could be packing heat.

Well, maybe the situation isn't dire enough to warrant a warning, but among the actions in the last legislative session was one that changed the concealed handgun law to remove restrictions on carrying weapons to churches, synagogues and other places of worship. Now, like businesses, churches must post signs or hand out cards informing attendees that weapons are not allowed.

Sen. Jerry Patterson, that Republican bastion of anti-government interference, was apparently the sponsor of the provision. He says the government doesn't have any business telling churches who they can allow in their buildings. As a tongue-in-cheek aside he says the provision also "enhances the quality of the sermons and shortens the length of the services."

This creates images of bored parishioners pulling guns on their preachers and shooting the ground around their feet shouting, "Dance, pardner. We're gonna git some entertainment out of you."

Of course it could work both ways. I used to notice members on the nod and work in a way to shout something, bringing them back to wakefulness. Now preachers could just reach inside their robes, suit jackets or purses and squeeze off a few rounds. The congregation would be very mindful of the message and salary negotiations might tend to end with a raise.

Among the apparent reasons Patterson had for sponsoring the change was a complaint from a church that wanted to sponsor a certification training course for carrying concealed handgun as part of its adult education program. But because the original law banned guns from churches. Now that they have clearance, maybe they could build a gun range on premises so people can qualify.

I suggest they build it right next to the baptistry. That way the fount that symbolizes life could be juxtaposed with the human silhouette targets that remind the shooters they are practicing to take life ' or at least cause life grievous harm.

I'm no great fan of government interference, but the original law made the statement that we as a society believe some places should be unsullied by the presence of weapons ' especially those places where people gather to pay homage to God. I can see no good reason why we should go back on that commitment.

Old Westerns would occasionally feature a preacher who carried a gun, but the use of a weapon usually caused some conflict in conscience. And most of the time anyone wishing to enter a sanctuary was instructed to "check your guns at the door."

I hope our local places of worship will chose to post the modern, legislatively required equivalent, saying they stand for life.

And you preachers might want to check out the new line of stylish bullet-proof clergy vestments.

Michael O'Connor is Online Editor for the Abilene Reporter-News and is an ordained United Methodist minister. He can be reached by e-mail at oconnorm(at)abinews.com