Saturday, November 15, 1997

Religion needs a sense of humor

By Tom Schaefer

Knight-Ridder Newspapers

Let's lighten up.

Enough about the dark nights of the soul, the scandals of organized religion, the worries about crowding too many angels on the head of a pin. (C'mon. I said lighten up.)

Religion needs a sense of humor, and I'm here to give it to you.

With a bright smile.

X X X

Vanity license plate, noted in the U.S. Catholic magazine: MARK923. For those too lazy to look up the biblical reference: "All things are possible to him who believes."

Does that mean the driver won't ever need roadside assistance?

X X X

After studying the remains of fifth-century monks in Jerusalem, an anthropologist at Notre Dame has determined that "genuflection is bad for your health," says a report in the Sciences cited in the Utne Reader.

Although most of the monks were found to have been well-nourished and seemed to have lived into their 40s - a ripe old age at that time - almost all of them had bad knees.

Note to myself: Forgo knee bends during morning exercises; spend more time at breakfast table.

X X X

There was a period when the famed preacher Harry Emerson Fosdick had been sick for several weeks and attendance at The Riverside Church in New York began to decline. Each week the custodian called his home to check on when he would return. Finally, Mrs. Fosdick said her husband had improved to the point he would be in the pulpit the next Sunday. The custodian rushed to put on the sign boards:

GOD IS GOOD! DR. FOSDICK IS BETTER.

X X X

Malcolm Muggeridge had an extraordinary career journalist, author, teacher, World War II spy, editor and traveler. His biting commentary as a journalist riled the establishment of his day. His conversion to Christianity later upset non-conformists who enjoyed his caustic wit.

In his 1995 biography "Malcolm Muggeridge," Gregory Wolfe recounts Muggeridge's observation on nocturnal out-of-body experiences at age 87, as death neared in 1990. Even at the end, Muggeridge kept his sense of humor:

"You very often wake up, about two or three in the morning, and you are half in and half out of your body, a most peculiar situation. You can see your battered old carcass there between the sheets and it's quite a toss-up whether you resume full occupancy and go through another day or make off where you can see, like the light in the sky as you're driving along, the lights of Augustine's 'City of God.' "

Muggeridge, I believe, made it to the City of God, a gregarious grin outshining his battered old carcass.

X X X

Speaking of lights, I came across some light-bulb Christian theology, from cyberspace:

Q. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

Q. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Change?

Q. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

Q. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

A. At least 10, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists.

Q. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. They always use candles.

Q. How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

Q. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

Until next week, I'll leave the light burning.

(c) 1997, The Wichita Eagle (Wichita, Kan.).

Visit the Eagle on the World Wide Web at http://www.wichitaeagle.com/

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