Saturday, September 13, 1997

We need to say goodbye to Diana

By Lauren R. Stanley

Knight-Ridder/Tribune News Service

ALEXANDRIA, Va. - We are, it seems, incapable of commending Princess Diana to God.

Nearly two weeks after her death, we still are caught up in our very public grief, unwilling to move on.

Why? What is it about the Princess of Wales that keeps us from saying, "Into your hands, O Lord, we commend her spirit"?

TV analysts report that 2.5 billion people around the world watched Diana's funeral last Saturday. More than 1 million people crowded into London that day to say goodbye to the woman now known as the "people's princess." Days later, newspapers remain filled with stories about this 36-year-old who was probably the most sought-after woman in the world. Thousands continue to stream into London and to the Spencer estate, Althorp, determined, in some way undefineable, to say goodbye.

And yet, so far, saying goodbye to Princess Diana seems impossible.

It is as though we are afraid to commend Diana's soul to God, afraid that if we do so, we will lose more than just this young woman - we might lose a part of ourselves.

It's a rather ridiculous notion on our part, really. We are not Diana, and she is not us. Saying goodbye to her will bring an end only to that part of us that we had devoted to her, which for most of us was only a small, small part.

And yet, that part seems terribly important to us right now.

In her larger-than-life life, Diana touched people by her mere presence. She was the British girl who grew up to be a princess, who not only married the future king of England but also became the mother of another future king.

Her life seemed a fairy tale, even if the ending was not quite like the stories of our childhood.

We sought happily-ever-after for Diana, perhaps because we thought we might be able to share that part of her life, too, just as we felt we shared in her courtship and wedding and motherhood.

Perhaps that's why we, rather than humbly beseeching God to "acknowledge ... a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming," as it says in the Episcopal burial service, are clinging so tightly to our fairy-tale princess. We want to continue the fairy tale in our own lives, however vicarious it might have been for us.

Rather than asking God to "receive her into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light," we seem to be saying, "Not yet, God. We're not through with your servant just yet."

We say that it's not fair that Diana was taken from us so soon. In reality, it is not fair that we refuse to let her go. We need to give her over to God, for it is from God that she came. We just don't seem to know how.

For some of us, our grief might seem more complete if the funeral at Westminster Abbey had focused more on God and God's everlasting mercy, and less on the personal anger of Diana's brother, Earl Spencer. It's hard to give someone over to God when the anger is so intense that it seems to surround us in a cloud of fury.

So, perhaps what we need to do is stop concentrating on the here and now, stop worrying about the impact the princess had on the royalty, and how the royals now MUST change to survive, and start praying that God in God's mercy will "give rest ... to your servant with your saints, where sorrow and pain are no more, neither sighing, but life everlasting."

We are dust, and to dust we shall return - that is part and parcel of the life that God has granted us on this earth. For Diana's sake - and our own - wouldn't it be easier for us to say goodbye if we concentrated on the fact that "even at the grave we make our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia"?

If we really want to let Diana continue to affect us, we first need to commend her to God in the sure and certain knowledge that she does enjoy life everlasting with the God who created her out of the dust.

Then, having said goodbye, we can begin to truly celebrate her life.

(The Rev. Lauren R. Stanley, a former assistant news editor for the Knight-Ridder/Tribune News Service, is a deacon at the Church of the Good Shepherd in Burke, Va. Readers may write to Stanley care of Knight-Ridder/Tribune News Service, 790 National Press Building, Washington, D.C., 20045.)