Saturday, May 17, 1997

Volunteers care for congregation, lighten ministers' load

By CANDY REAGAN / Special to the Abilene Reporter-News

April was a tough month for LaDonna Wolford.

Not only was April 26 her first wedding anniversary since her husband's death in July, but it would have been their 50th. And it was the same day just one year earlier that she and her husband discovered he had inoperable cancer.

Thankfully, she had a Stephen minister to see her through.

Wolford's Stephen minister, a lay member of her church, First Central Presbyterian, could not take the pain away. But she was able to help Wolford by simply listening and caring.

"You really don't realize how nice it is to be able to sit down and talk with someone about things that even your closest friends don't want to hear," Wolford said. "They all sympathize and want to help you. But a lot of times, they just don't have the time to sit and listen to you."

And listening is precisely what Stephen ministers are trained to do.

First Central Presbyterian Church is one of three local churches affiliated with the national Stephen Ministries program based in St. Louis, Mo. The program is designed to equip lay members of a congregation to provide Christian care to people in need.

Stephen Ministries has reached into thousands of congregations across the world in more than 75 different denominations. Each congregation pays a fee to the national office for the right to attend training and purchase training materials.

Locally, the Episcopal Church of the Heavenly Rest and St. Paul United Methodist Church also are involved.

"It has extended the caring ministry of this church to involve the church members," said Scott Simpson, associate pastor of First Central Presbyterian. "It has provided a means for members of the church to deliver quality care to members who need it. It has given people the opportunity to activate their discipleship. It's probably one of the most beautiful things I've been involved with."

When the program began at First Central Presbyterian about two years ago, Simpson and church member Dr. Stephen Faehnle attended a seven-day conference, where they received intensive training. Faehnle now trains volunteers from the congregation to be Stephen ministers. Each leader must attend 50 hours of training before he or she can participate.

"We're not teaching pop psychology," Simpson said. "We're teaching distinctly Christian care, which is firmly rooted in the Bible and follows the example of Jesus Christ."

In the Book of Acts, the 12 apostles found they could not handle all the needs of the people and called lay people to provide a caring ministry. Stephen was one of the first called, and the modern-day program is named after him.

"A few people question the whole idea of a Stephen minister because they think the pastor's the one who has been trained," Simpson said. "This gives people a means of actually practicing being a Christian. The pastor in the church is not the only minister. Everyone can be a minister."

Once trained, the Stephen ministers are paired with people in need for one-on-one care giving. The relationships are strictly confidential. First Central Presbyterian has 20 Stephen ministers and is now training another group.

In addition to the initial training, the ministers receive continuing education and attend twice monthly meetings in which they discuss their relationships without using any names.

The program requires a serious time commitment from Stephen ministers, Simpson said.

"All of these people are deeply caring people," he said. "To do this type of work, you need to be a deeply caring person, to listen, to be sensitive, to walk with them in their pain, to not cure - that's God's job - but to care."

People with needs can be anyone with an unusual circumstance, from someone who just moved into the church to people suffering through divorce, the death of a spouse, health problems, loneliness, depression, etc.

A church member can ask to have a Stephen minister, or in some cases, Simpson goes to a person and recommends he or she have one.

Wolford admits that she didn't think she needed a Stephen minister when she was approached about the program.

"I had lost my husband on the sixth of July," she said. "It proved to be a difficult time. But at first, I didn't think I needed anyone because I was doing fine."

After a few months of weekly visits from her Stephen minister, however, Wolford realized how much she had been helped.

"She was so kind and put me so much at ease," Wolford said of her Stephen minister, who is not named because of the confidentiality. "It's just the fact that someone is willing to listen to you. People usually want to avoid talking to you about the loss of your spouse.They don't want to make you sad. They don't want to cause you any pain."

But like most grieving spouses, Wolford needed to talk about her husband, and her Stephen minister was there to listen.

"I have certainly enjoyed the relationship that developed between this lady and myself," Wolford said. "She has become a very good friend. She gave so much to me."

In fact, Wolford has been so impressed with the program that she has decided to become a Stephen minister herself. She currently is among the second group of trainees at First Central Presbyterian.

St. Paul United Methodist Church has been involved with the Stephen Ministry since 1993, but its program provides care in a group setting rather than one-on-one.

The Episcopal Church of the Heavenly Rest, which has a program similar to First Central Presbyterian's, is just organizing its Stephen Ministry and hopes to begin training Stephen ministers in the fall. The Rev. Roz Thomas, associate rector, has attended the seven-day training conference.

She said the church decided to become involved after she realized it had 52 homebound members.

"There's no way two priests can handle that," she said. "We could see that we definitely needed the lay people trained and supervised to do this kind of ministry. There's no reason why a person needs to be ordained to be a good care giver. This is the way the church is supposed to work."