Saturday, May 24, 1997

Heaven meets jalapeno for Taco Bell chaplain

By JOHN KELSO / Austin American-Statesman

AUSTIN - If you're eating at a Taco Bell in Austin, and Taco Bell chaplain Paul Garza happens to be in there, and you're choking on your Big Beef MexiMelt, you're covered both ways.

Garza thinks he knows the Heimlich maneuver. He's not sure because he's never had to use it. But even if he screwed up that procedure, he would be able to pray for you if you were stricken with Taco Neck.

Seriously, Garza is one of three chaplains who serve the Taco Bells in the Austin, uh, diocese of Taco Bells. But Garza's real duty isn't to administer to customers. His main task is to provide comfort for employees as part of their benefit package. If employees want to chat with him about their problems, they can. He is there for them - just like the green sauce.

"If they talk to the manager, they know they're talking to their boss," said Garza, who also is pastor of Austin's Grace of the Good Shepherd Baptist Church. "If they're talking to me, they're talking to a friend."

Garza is one of about 340 people who work as chaplains for a Dallas company called Marketplace Ministries, which provides chaplains to a variety of businesses in 32 states. Among the company's clients are restaurants, banks and car dealerships.

Certainly a banker or a car salesman could use a little divine guidance.

But is there really a need for a chaplain at a fast-food restaurant? Are things that tough at the drive- through window?

"Well, there's a need for a chaplain in every company in America - not just Taco Bell," said Gil A. Stricklin, the retired military chaplain who founded Marketplace Ministries in 1984. "Any company that values people, they could use a chaplain. We laugh and say chaplains are like pickup trucks. You may not want one, but there'll come a time when you'll need one."

The Marketplace Ministries chaplains who serve Austin's Taco Bells perform several services. They're on call 24 hours a day for emergencies. One assumes overcooking the Enchiritos does NOT constitute an emergency. One day a week, the chaplains walk through the restaurants and converse with the workers about anything they want to discuss. A common topic is work stress, Garza said.

Sometimes workers ask the chaplain if he or she can get them a raise. Unfortunately, the Taco Bell chaplain could no more get them a pay hike than an Army chaplain could get you a discharge.

But they can make you feel better about your condition.

"Oh, yeah, they talk about those kinds of issues, and we refer them to the appropriate channels at the company," said John Swedlund, supervisor of the Taco Bell chaplains in the Austin area. "Sometimes we coach people on how to look for a raise and how to ask for a raise."

The chaplains also perform weddings and funerals free for Taco Bell employees. Swedlund says the reason for these services is that a lot of people don't have a regular minister to do those things.

"I think it's a pretty accurate figure that 52 percent of the American public is unchurched," said Swedlund, a retired Army chaplain. "They're not unreligious. They're just unchurched."

The Taco Bell chaplain program goes beyond Austin. Dirk Dozier, CEO of Austaco Inc., says it is used in all of the company's 60 Taco Bells in Central Texas. "Our Taco Bell business is about taking care of people on both sides of the counter," he explained.

Taco Bell employees don't have to talk to the chaplain. And all discussions are confidential. "When I talk to them, I tell them I won't even tell my wife about this," said Garza, who has eaten so often at Taco Bell that he has become tired of at least one menu item.

"I'm burned out on the (Mexican) pizzas," he said.

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Distributed by The Associated Press